((Part of THIS THREAD))
Lilah gave me a look that if she had any kinda mojo of her own, woulda left me flat on my ass, if I was lucky. I didn't care.
"No we're not just chit chatting. I wanted him to know what is going to happen to him, and why. We'll finish this soon enough, but only after I am done with him."
We were gettin' into one fuckin' scary place. Lilah was way too into the vengeance thing, into the gettin' back at somebody who you thought done you wrong. She had an axe to grind with Lindsey, fine, but now that she had Anya's powers in her corner, looked like she decided to bury it in his face, instead. She circled him, like a big cat playin' with its dinner, but even meaner. Crueler. Lilah laid out her grudge, and I wasn't gonna be the one to say boo about it, but damn... I'd seen some bad 'sibling' rivalry, but this was unreal.
"I wish that Lindsey be sent to languish alive and indefinitely, in the hell dimension I was rotting in when I died. I wish that he remain conscious through all of his torment and that he never ever forgets who sent him there and why. Have fun Lindsey, you'll be glad of the gag when you get there."
And finally, she pulled the trigger. And just like ya hadda figure, it was the kind of iron-clad, no loophole slam that only a lawyer coulda hit him with. For a second or two, I felt sorry for the guy. But then, I started bein' afraid for my own ass. How bad had I ever pissed her off? Enough to deserve that kinda treatment?
And he was gone. Fuckin' gone, forever. And I didn't even wanna wonder for a second what was waitin' for him on the other end of that portal. If I could've... if he'd asked... I'd have done Lindsey like I did the Professor, and put him the hell outta his misery before he went. 'Course, then I'd be followin' him for sure.
"No jealousy? No ex-Lover that you just wish they could see things your way? Somewhere in there... I know it's there Lilah. You reek of it. Someone hurt you, and you could make it all go away Lilah. This is your chance... are you going to take it?"
Anya'd gone... not cold, 'cuz I could tell how pissed she was... but just so damn... inhuman. All she wanted was the vengeance, the anger, all the stuff she was gettin' from Lilah, and she wanted more. And the second she started talkin', my whole body went ice fuckin' cold.
Naw, that I couldn't take. I started to open my mouth, figure out some way to make myself talk and get Lilah to not do it. That could be my good deed. That could be the one thing I could do, and I'd be okay.
"Yes, I'm jealous of that airhead slayer bitch. Yes, I want Wesley to see things from my perspective. All that bullshit about black and white, crossing lines in the sand. It was all just an excuse to hide the truth. That he didn't want me anymore! Yes, he hurt me, in ways I'd never thought possible and will never allow to happen again. Do I want to give him back some of that pain tenfold? Do I want him to suffer the worst imaginable heartache and be alone, and never find happiness with anyone? Of course I do. I want it so badly that it burns me. From the inside out. And I can't make it go away."
Move, Gunn. Move, you motherfuckin' piece of shit... if you can't save your friend, you ain't even worth the air you're breathin'. Speak up. Move.
I almost did.
"No. I'm not going to take my chance. Even though I want to. Because some part of me still loves him."
I went cold again, frozen to the spot.
Somethin' inside me was tellin' me that what I'd just heard was even worse for Wes than if Lilah wanted him strung up and stone dead. And this, I couldn't do nothin' about.
"I chose a side. For better or worse, this is the side I'm on. Mine. Damned if you do and damned if you don't, right? But hon, in the end, there's only you. You can't change who you are. I know this, I tried. So here, take it back... Just when you thought there were no choices left to be made... there are."
And just like that, Lilah gave the necklace back to Anya. My heart was thunderin' in my ears, but I still didn't move. I didn't wanna help Lilah, but I didn't wanna risk my chances by tryin' to stand in her way. And I didn't deserve to even offer to help Anya, not anymore.
So I just didn't move. Didn't talk.
I just watched Anya, wonderin' what in the hell would happen next.